I tried to connect these two identities of mine. There was me at home, a cute, funny, bookish, and loyal guy who had simple dreams. Then the wild animal that I became in Varsha’s flat. This savage creature you wouldn’t let anywhere near anything delicate and expensive.I found no way to match the two as the same person. Exploring this extremity of my personality changed me for the better. Each time I was inside her, each time I embraced her, each time I made her go wild with pleasure, and each time I cursed and slapped her, she healed me and nourished my soul.She gave me more life, and I improved as a person. I became a better writer, focused on one thing for long periods, and meditated a lot deeper. I was able to look people in the eye, keep my head up when walking, and also lost many of my fears and anxieties.Another effect of this was that I started looking past the everyday getups of other people. Their carefully combed hair, their ironed shirts, their shiny watches. I imagined how. “Oh, I didn’t get a chance to tell you yesterday as you were otherwise occupied,” I said and she smiled “we are having company tomorrow. Kathy is going to spend the day with us.”“Kathy?” Anita asked puzzled.“Err. Dr. Mercedes, her first name is Kathy,” I explained.Like a light switch Anita grew sullen and I immediately knew what was troubling my girl, she was jealous of Kathy.I could not have been more wrong.That night after supper, we were once again relaxing together in the hammock on the deck. I decided I needed to reassure Anita and try to put the green-eyed-devil back in its box. “Anita, you are so special to me. I never thought I could be happy after the accident but you have brought pure joy and love to me. I never want to lose you or give you any reason to leave me.“I sense that you are worried about my friendship with Kathy. Don’t be, she is just someone who I can talk about home with. We both came here from the same place and it is nice to think back at times. She isn’t ever.
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